my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
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I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
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I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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