look no pants
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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