So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
