haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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