You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
