Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
