census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
