We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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