with your own penis?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
