youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
