We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
