Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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