I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
