I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
