please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
