R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
