so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
