Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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