considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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