The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
