I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
In other news, I just burned my penis
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
