Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
