If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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