wat bout pragnant strippers??
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
