Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
areolas are like halos for boobs.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
