Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
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