Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
