Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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