Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
