Buhtt sex?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
They took my balls.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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