life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
