we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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