hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
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Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
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PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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