Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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