Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
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He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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