you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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