ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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