The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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