So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
