party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
