I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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