So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
