Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
