I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
