ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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