textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
