yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
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The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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