Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize