Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
