I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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