Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Drake has all the answers
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
