You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
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I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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