I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
