I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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