I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
