Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
