I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
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