yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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