Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
