I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
