I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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