so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
