I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
