Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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