Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
