matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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