how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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