Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
