I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
