Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
