forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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