I think my vagina is haunted
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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